There’s an old Brooke Fraser song called “Crows and Locusts” that I don’t think I ever really understood, except that it’s been swirling around in my head as I study Galatians and talk to my counselor and sit still enough to think about what’s happening in my soul.
“It was the year
The crows and the locusts came
The fields drained dry the rain
The fields are bleeding
It was the age
The foxes came for the fields
We were bleeding as we bowed to kneel
And prayed for mercy, prayed for mercy”
Yes, that feels about like what’s been happening.
I have always struggled with performance—working to be sweet enough, good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, interesting enough to earn people’s approval, respect, and affection. When I was younger, it was fairly clear-cut. Make good grades, be polite, appear to be “good” (which sometimes just meant choosing secret sins), and always have a smile (no RBF here, thank you very much). Even then, it wasn’t easy striving to prove my worth and value, but at least I had a formula.
Read more over at The Drafting Desk! The Drafting Desk is one of my favorite “places” on the internet. Lindsey and Rebekah have created a space for soulful encouragement for recovering perfectionists — something I didn’t realize I was until I saw myself in their honest and insightful essays.