Our entire lives for the last 3 months or so have centered unnaturally around this apartment. Yet in 3 weeks time, we’ve got to get out and we have no idea where we’ll go. We know, of course, where we’d like to go. But we can’t do anything yet. We are just waiting.
I honestly think we have been “waiting well” this time — at least, better than some of our big seasons of waiting in recent years. Waiting didn’t go too well when we were waiting for a knock on our door in Asia, telling us to go home. And I honestly did not wait super well for the positive pregnancy tests for my babes. I certainly didn’t wait well for the green light to go to Asia or for God to provide a husband. In all the cases, I pretty much hated the waiting. I hated not being in control and feeling so completely powerless.
Now the rubber meets the road in this next change and I feel the waiting surging through every part of me, like electricity. It resembles panic or desperation. And that makes me feel like I am not “waiting well.”
But what does waiting well really mean? When I stop to think about it, it can’t mean stuffing your desires and needs so that they don’t ‘bother’ you much. Waiting, surely, is meant to be disruptive.
God’s people waited thousands of years for the Messiah and God wanted them to want Messiah to come. To pray earnestly, to keep their eyes and hearts ready for His arrival. to “long for the Lord more than sentries long for the dawn, yes more than sentries long for the dawn” (Psalm 130:6). Often when they got a bit too comfortable and forgot their need for God and His rescue, God sent disruption to remind them that we are created to be needy.
Maybe, then, this desperation that I’m feeling is good, even as it’s super uncomfortable. Maybe waiting well is actually “making friends with my needs” (as one of my old counselors used to put it): welcoming in these desires, this overwhelming current of neediness that pushes me toward my kind and powerful God.
“Listen to my voice in the morning, LORD.
Each morning I bring my requests to you and wait expectantly.” — Psalm 5:3
Help me, Lord, to befriend my needs and longings
so that they might become a catalyst to push me towards You.
Help me wait expectantly, clinging for dear life to Your hand
which leads me in paths of righteousness
for Your glory
and my good.