It’s as if we were living in a house and it burned to the ground. I’m not sure I ever stopped to make a list of what was left in the house, of what we lost. We moved into a new house, fully furnished -- it was easier just to pretend everything was normal,” I …
Day 23: Band-aid
Typical of little people, my children have both believed in the power of a Band-aid. Not just for broken skin, band-aids are requested for all kinds of boo-boos. Bug bites, scratches, or burns, and bruises, soreness, or bumps -- the act of adding a bandage has magical powers to soothe. It’s not just band-aids either, …
Day 18: Diapers
It’s come to my attention in the past week or two that I am a bit disconnected from my heart. There’s a great deal of loss happening — both clear and ambiguous — but I’m having trouble connecting with it emotionally. The feeling I do recognize I am seeking to insulate from is fear and …
Day 17: Door
“Don’t let the —,” I start to holler over to the girls. But the sound of the door slamming cuts me off. The entire apartment shakes and I know our neighbors can feel it, too. “ — door slam.” I finish, deflated. Some doors are designed to close themselves if there’s anything less than like …
Crows and Locusts: A Drafting Desk Blog Guest Post
There’s an old Brooke Fraser song called “Crows and Locusts” that I don’t think I ever really understood, except that it’s been swirling around in my head as I study Galatians and talk to my counselor and sit still enough to think about what’s happening in my soul. “It was the year The crows and …
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My Body, Broken: A Kindred Mom Guest Post
“My body is broken, ruined.” This became the overwhelming thought of despair in my mind more than a few times in the weeks following the birth of my second daughter. After being miserable during the recovery of my first delivery, an unwanted c-section, I'd insisted on a VBAC for my second, hoping (expecting) the recovery …
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Death and Resurrection
A little over a year ago, at the start of Lent, I was in Thailand. Surrounded by the beauty and glory of Creation, my soul usually feels most alive, and yet, all I could see -- all I could feel -- was death. Months earlier, my dear friend lost her child very late term. Weeks …
Resources for a Grieving Momma (and those who love them)
Sharing a miscarriage publicly (online) is not for everyone -- everyone grieves and processes differently. But having shared mine publicly, I've experienced the privilege of joining in the dance of sorrow and joy with friends and acquaintances who are also processing losses. (Sorrow because of the obvious wretchedness of what has happened, but joy in …
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Canaan
Though I've had many thoughts swirling in my mind the past few months, they have not been typed out, for whatever reason. But I've started reading Playing God by Andy Crouch, and that's got me inspired to get my creative juices flowing. More on that another time. A big part of what's been happening is grief. I had a …
hope for the sojourn 